Yes people, there’s such a thing as dumb or innocent gamblers, but since I have a bit of an acid humor, let’s just call’em stupid! Why? Because you might have seen them: those big guys in flashy clothes who come into the casino talking loud and acting as if they own the casino themselves. Or women who talk out loud and “innocently” reveal their game hands.
I went to Stupid Gamblers and compiled some funny stories to enjoy the different personalities that stand out according to casino dealers. In this page, they specially refer to “those gamblers who bitch, whine, moan, swear out loud, do table pounding, chip throwing, those insulting idiots who actually go to the casino thinking they are going to make money. Those who lose and blame anyone but themselves. Those who will get into a fist fight at a blackjack table, because someone else didn’t play by the same superstitions and myths as himself or herself.”
Here are their…well, hilarious stories:
The Tips Giver
In an obvious effort to impress the lady who was new at the game of Blackjack, the “experienced” gambler was giving the lady advice on playing and winning the game. “That’s how you win,” he said, which followed with more instructions for her. After a while, a buddy of his walked up to the table and asked him how he was doing. “Oh, I’m down like four grand, man.” Now there’s a man you want to learn the game from. Dear lady, run! Run like the wind!
The Patterns on the Wheel
Standing one day at the Wheel of Fortune, the popular carnival game where the big wheel is spun and the flapper randomly lands on a number when the wheel stops, I was watching a guest who was intently observing the game. After about six spins, the man steps up slowly, shakes his head and says, “I’m just not seeing a pattern here.” Well, just in case any past spins might one day tell you where the wheel will land next, you just keep working on it, professor. When you finally work out that cosmic combination in your head, be sure to let us all know.
Captain Obvious Strikes Again
Dealing three card poker one day, I, the Dealer, had a pair of Queens, and one of the guests had a pair of Kings. The man knowledgeably looks at everyone else at the table and says, “That’s how you beat the dealer. You gotta have a bigger hand than his!” No way! Thanks for the tip, pal. We’ll have to write that one down.
She’s got it all figured out!
A woman is playing two hands at the Blackjack table. She tells a friend, “I’m going to see which one of these two hands is losing so I know which one to take out.” For those of you who need further explanation, the two hands were right next to each other, either hand removed leaves the same next hand received. Brilliant!
If you’re new to the games, make sure you get informed. Make sure you read a little bit. Or at least, go to a casino with a humble attitude. You don’t want to end up in a Stupid Gamblers article, right?